#4 – You told your kid to ‘stop crying’

Kids are whiny little bitches sometimes, aren’t they?  I remember reading somewhere once where they compared a two year old’s tantrum to that of something akin to Godzilla running amuck in a city.  Scary shit if you don’t have nukes, right? 

Kids cry at different ages for different reasons.  When I was little… I’m going to say, six or seven, we were in Florida on vacation in a supermarket and they had this toy section (which, as a kid, was way awesome to find in a grocery store) and there was this toy I wanted.  I think it was Goofy riding on a horse.  Something really stupid – but I WANTED it.  I wanted it so damn badly, but my parents said no.  So I freaked right the fuck out, and I got it.  Now my parents weren’t the type to give in, especially because I was crying – that was usually grounds for a sharp kick to the pants – however this time I was possessed – screaming, carrying on, and I wouldn’t leave the store until I had that stupid damn toy.  What a little shit I was that day.  My mom is no longer on this mortal plain, but Dad, if you ever read this, you should have just dragged me the hell out of there – I would have hated you for it at the time, but it would have been okay by Adult Me. 

Now… to my actual point.  I have a two year old, and he’s a pretty well tempered little guy – he usually only cries when he actually has to – like if he gets hurt – and it’s almost always over within a few seconds.  But he’s getting older, and more independent, and he wants to do things that he just isn’t able to quite yet – so it gets frustrating.  God, I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be to be that small.  And because we have a kid that age we’re surrounded by other kids that age and one thing that I repeatedly see that drives me up the wall is when parents give their kids shit for throwing a tantrum.  Little kids are emotional – when they get older, like I was when I freaked out that day – it’s different – they’re throwing a fit because they know they can manipulate you (I’ll talk more about that in another posting), but a two year old just doesn’t know what to do with their feelings.  So if your child takes a toy away from another child and you scold them and they get upset, the trick is to say, “It’s okay to cry (be mad, whatever it is they are), but it’s not okay to take other people’s things.”  Let them know that it’s okay to get upset, to have emotions, and to use them.  Another parent I know with a child my son’s age is constantly concerned that his child will be “a pussy” if he lets him cry.  I don’t know, I’d rather my kid be a bit of a pussy, know that it’s okay to express emotions, than to be ashamed to show them, and be told to bottle them up and never let people know how they’re feeling.  That’s kind of terrible if you ask me.

So that’s my tip for today – scold the behavior, not the emotion.  Everyone needs a good cry every now and then.