#6 – You Ran a Red Light on your Bike (among other things)

For those that have followed my other blog it will come to no surprise to you that I am about to bitch about cyclists in the city of Toronto. 

But first, let me paint the picture.  I’m driving down Danforth Ave, which for those that don’t know is a very busy street, especially during peak hours.  And I get cut-off by a cyclist, and not only was he not wearing a helmet, but his toddler in the seat attachment behind him wasn’t either.  And then he proceeded to ride right through the red light without even the slightest hesitation.

Okay.  So, straight up, I know that the majority of cyclists are NOT like this guy.  I am by no means painting the entire cyclist population with one brush.  But as the saying goes, the rotten apple spoils the bunch.  I just can’t even begin to explain how much stuff like this just absolutely makes my blood boil.  I have never, probably will never, cycle in the city.  The main reason is because it just looks really dangerous.  There are so many factors going on and situations that change, and you have absolutely no protection outside of a helmet and pads that you may or may not choose to wear.  The fact that you get fined for not wearing a helmet up to a certain age says something, no?  And I really don’t understand why they stop fining people after a certain age.  It’s not as if you become any less vulnerable (hell, let’s be honest – old people break easier).

But back to this massive prick that decided that not only was his head invincible, but his toddler’s was as well.  You can be the absolute best cyclist in the world, but if a car comes out of nowhere and hits you – it won’t matter.  Is that likely to happy?  It’s probably pretty rare… unless, of course, you’re the kind of asshole that likes to ride through red lights because you simply can’t be bothered to lose your speed.  And now this kid thinks that their parent’s behavior is absolutely acceptable, as do any other kids watching. 

I’ve bitched a lot about bikes in the city, and I stand by my simple solution – make cycling a privilege, not a right – just like driving.  The fact that you’re operating a vehicle on a road way says something.  But a cyclist doesn’t have to display any knowledge of road safety to be able to ride on a bike; all they really need to do is have a bike.  At the very least this should be implemented on any road, street, etc… where there are more than one lane per direction.  If you’re driving amongst regular traffic you should display that you have the knowledge that comes with it.  Young cyclists should be constricted to single lane streets.  That’s just how I see it.

I promise that I don’t have a hate on for cyclists.  I’m a big fan of any method of transportation that limits the amount of cars we need.  I only use the car in the morning to drop my son off at daycare and then I take the car to my wife’s school and then I hop on public transit for the rest of the day.  But the simple matter is that there comes a danger with certain modes of transportation, and kids learn by example.  So to the dude I saw on Danforth Avenue – I could care less if you get in an accident, crack your head open and become a vegetable for the rest of your life – you’ve made bad choices and I believe in consequences – but what I do care about is that little kid on the back of your bike, the one who can’t put their own helmet on, who doesn’t know enough to ask her Daddy to please, pretty please, with sugar on top, stop at the fucking red light.

#5 – You let your kid think being different is wrong.

Take a few seconds and watch at least a portion of the video below… go ahead… I’ll wait…

That video was originally posted about four months ago, and the kid in it was found dead in his parent’s house on Monday.  He killed himself.  His parents were quoted as saying, “It didn’t actually get better for him, he just got better at hiding it.” 

I grew up in a small town that was, more or less, pretty much dominated by Caucasians.  Not a lot of cultural, religious, or ethnical diversity (that I was aware of anyway).  And despite this, from my perspective, it wasn’t all that bad.  I was a fat kid and so I got made fun of for that, but I was also pretty quick with the comebacks and was able to zero in on my assaulters insecurities, so if all they had to hit me with was fat jokes then they were in for it because I was prepared to strip a layer off of them.  So I didn’t get picked on a lot, unless I pissed someone off and all they had was the go-to fat joke.  I was an arts nerd, I gave up the football team to do drama, and I got harassed a bit, but I also didn’t give a shit since my drama friends were pretty damn awesome.  So what makes me saddest when I hear about a kid like that is that they, clearly, didn’t have much of a support group.  Who knows what their home situation was like.  If you do a quick search for “It gets better” on youtube you’ll notice that there is a massive campaign, loaded with celebrities sharing messages as well as regular people.  The other thing you’ll notice is how in the comments section you still get haters saying the most terrible things you can imagine to another human being.  So it’s not enough for these people to get picked on just for being who they are, but they also have to deal with cyber bullies lurking in the shadows. 

So here’s the thing – if you’ve got a kid, at any age, it’s your moral responsibility to teach them that it’s okay for people to be different, act differently, have different views and opinions, and want different things.  I think that one of the worst things that human beings do is hate people for absolutely no reason other than they exist.  I don’t understand the purpose of people protesting gay marriage – as if it existing makes any difference whatsoever in the protestors lives – as if it hurts them in any way.  It’s one of those things that really really bothers me to no end.  But the most amazing thing about all this hate, all this injustice, is that, because it’s so stupid and pointless, it’s the easiest thing in the world to wipe away if we just try.  If we just make a conscious effort to let our children know that it’s okay for individuals to be individuals.  Hate is not genetic – it is a learned trait.  And it could be wiped out in a single generation if people put forth the effort. 

I don’t really have a strong call-to-action here outside of just to ask people to be better.  If you’ve got a son and he wants to play with what you think to be “girl’s toys” or he wants the “pink one” of something – go for it, likewise with the girls.  Don’t teach kids about limitation, that this is for girls, and that’s for boys – instead let them just discover the world for themselves without enforcing your beliefs onto them.

And if you yourself harbor any hatred towards any one group of people, just take a hard look at why, and does it matter?  And why you can’t just stop and move on?  Is it really worth your energy?

#4 – You told your kid to ‘stop crying’

Kids are whiny little bitches sometimes, aren’t they?  I remember reading somewhere once where they compared a two year old’s tantrum to that of something akin to Godzilla running amuck in a city.  Scary shit if you don’t have nukes, right? 

Kids cry at different ages for different reasons.  When I was little… I’m going to say, six or seven, we were in Florida on vacation in a supermarket and they had this toy section (which, as a kid, was way awesome to find in a grocery store) and there was this toy I wanted.  I think it was Goofy riding on a horse.  Something really stupid – but I WANTED it.  I wanted it so damn badly, but my parents said no.  So I freaked right the fuck out, and I got it.  Now my parents weren’t the type to give in, especially because I was crying – that was usually grounds for a sharp kick to the pants – however this time I was possessed – screaming, carrying on, and I wouldn’t leave the store until I had that stupid damn toy.  What a little shit I was that day.  My mom is no longer on this mortal plain, but Dad, if you ever read this, you should have just dragged me the hell out of there – I would have hated you for it at the time, but it would have been okay by Adult Me. 

Now… to my actual point.  I have a two year old, and he’s a pretty well tempered little guy – he usually only cries when he actually has to – like if he gets hurt – and it’s almost always over within a few seconds.  But he’s getting older, and more independent, and he wants to do things that he just isn’t able to quite yet – so it gets frustrating.  God, I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be to be that small.  And because we have a kid that age we’re surrounded by other kids that age and one thing that I repeatedly see that drives me up the wall is when parents give their kids shit for throwing a tantrum.  Little kids are emotional – when they get older, like I was when I freaked out that day – it’s different – they’re throwing a fit because they know they can manipulate you (I’ll talk more about that in another posting), but a two year old just doesn’t know what to do with their feelings.  So if your child takes a toy away from another child and you scold them and they get upset, the trick is to say, “It’s okay to cry (be mad, whatever it is they are), but it’s not okay to take other people’s things.”  Let them know that it’s okay to get upset, to have emotions, and to use them.  Another parent I know with a child my son’s age is constantly concerned that his child will be “a pussy” if he lets him cry.  I don’t know, I’d rather my kid be a bit of a pussy, know that it’s okay to express emotions, than to be ashamed to show them, and be told to bottle them up and never let people know how they’re feeling.  That’s kind of terrible if you ask me.

So that’s my tip for today – scold the behavior, not the emotion.  Everyone needs a good cry every now and then.

#3 - You yelled at the Zookeeper

Some time ago I took my little guy to the zoo, ‘cause I was on hiatus for a few days and I just didn’t want to do to the same park, or the same drop-in, so we decided to shake things up.  Now, one of the coolest things for kids at the Toronto Zoo (and I assume any zoo) is the “meet the keeper” where the keeper comes out and feeds the animals, the kids get to see the animals closer up and interacting with humans.  It’s fun.

On this particular day the hippo one was cancelled (the hippos were under the weather), and right beside it the rhinos were also not in their exhibit (the pond that separated them from the people was low, which made it possible for them to potentially escape – you might recall that rhinos have big-ass horns and can charge – so I was okay with this decision).  And one Dad, with small children in tact, went absolutely nuts on a zookeeper walking by.  He was furious that several animals, ones that his children were particularly keen to see, were unavailable to be seen today and that was “ridiculous”.  The keeper explained the situation, but he just didn’t give a shit.  He’d taken the day off work, paid good money, he wanted those damn animals out and on display or he wanted his “fucking money back”. 

First of all, what you just taught your kid was that if you don’t get your way the solution is to act unreasonable and throw a tantrum.  Second, you taught them that what YOU want is far more important than the health and safety of others, in this case animals.  Third, the zoo is a massive place, go see the goddamn gorillas, or any of the other numerous animals that aren’t sick.  Teaching your kids to focus solely on the negative is a good way to make sure that your kid turns out to be an asshole.

#2 – You mocked something your child loves

It could be the Jonas Brothers or Justin Bieber, a movie, kids show, clothes, whatever.  Your child opened itself up and showed you something that they were genuinely excited about and you mocked it.  And when I say *you* I mean that *I* did this.  Me.  The writer of this blog (I will probably do this a lot, but not admit that it’s me doing it).

My son does this ridiculously adorable thing that he calls the “thumb bump” where he essentially makes a thumbs-up and then wants you to do the same and he presses his thumb against yours.  If you see teenagers starting to do this, it started with my son – I’m not kidding – his babysitter is starting to spread it around.  NOW, what happened was that a teenager took that thumb-bump and turned it into an intricate hand-shake for him that was: high five, then fist-bump, then thumb-bump.  I think fist-bumps are kind of stupid.  I’m sure that you could very well argue the virtues of it – it’s probably more sanitary, etc… Either way, as my kid is showing me this, I start to mock the fist-bump section, telling him he shouldn’t do fist-bumps.  Now, he doesn’t react, he keeps going (thankfully), but my wife got up in my shit about it (and for good reason – it was an extremely shitty thing to do).  So that’s the lesson for today – if your kid does something that they think is cool that you think is lame, shut the fuck up about it and let them enjoy their moment in the sun (you can always mock them via your social media of choice later).

#1 - You listen to your iPod instead of interacting with them

Last night on my way home I saw a man with a child that's around the same age as my son (two and a half years old), he was sitting on the bus, listening to his iPod, completely ignoring his son who was desperately trying to interact with him. 
I know that at the end of the day you're tired.  You need a moment to yourself.  But you had a kid, so deal with it.  Turn your music/podcast/whatever off and at the very least pretend to give a shit about whatever stupid thing he's trying to talk to you about.  You don't think it matters, but it does.  It adds up - and forty years from now, when you desperately need him to change your adult diaper, he's going to be plugged into his (whatever the future version of an) iPod.